Well... I know I wrote a blog about my vacation, but that was mainly focused on Marie.
I'm gonna write about when I was hanging with Zach and Nick, yea Marie and a few other people were there, but whatever.
I went up and hung out with Zach and Nick for a day and we needed drink and smoke... being us, we got it. We spent only ONE day not high... and that was Sunday because we had school in the morning on Monday... well actually we smoked a little bit.
Most likely though... oh wait, no, I smoked when I got to my friend's house!
Anyway... we probably went through... maybe... 10-15 packs of cigarettes this vacation... possibly some more. I think that's why I feel like shit so much... yeah, that's DEFINITELY why.
I'm gonna quit for a few days then, 'cause it's NOT good for me... well technically, there were mini cigars, so I thinks that's worse! O.o GOD! Why am I such a nim-rod! I'll be dead by like 20-25!
Oh well, "Life's a bitch, then you die! So FUCK THE WORLD! LET'S ALL GET HIGH!"
That's how I'm living and I intend to always stay that way!
Marie would like it if I quit though... like, smoking cigarettes/cigars... I honestly think I might. My friend Kassie doesn't like it either, she keeps calling me a "idiot" for it. If I get 10 friends I care about to want me to quit... I will... 2 down... 8 to go.
Well... how long will it take before 8 people ask me to quit... -thinks- ... well if Kassie spreads the word... DAMN IT! >.<
She irritates me in the friend way though
Anyway! Back to my original topic. We spent like 6 days or so in Buck-Field and we spent 2 days in Lewiston.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Well I just wrote a love letter to my girlfriend this morning, but she lives in Bath and I live in Lisbon Falls... sent it to her on skype... still NO reply... but that's probably because she hasn't checked it, isn't she in for a REAL surprise. It's a really sweet and romantic thing... debating on putting it on here... FUCK IT! Why not!?
"Dear Marie,
I love you with all my heart. You're the only reason I chose to stay alive. I'd give everything up just to kiss you. I'd do anything just to hold you and be able to call you 'mine' again. I truly don't know why I feel this way. Maybe it's your smile, maybe it's your personality... or maybe it's the beautiful eyes... every time I look at them I get lost. I wish I could hold you through every bad moment... but I can't. Baby, I'm not gonna sugar-coat it, I'm telling you the truth. I wish I was always there for you to cry on my shoulder, I wish I could feel your pain and bleed for you. I'll love you 'til I'm dead in the ground. No one's gonna put my love down. I'll be there forever, but I can't promise it'll be the best, I'll make it what I can, but life has no guarantee’s... you should know that by now. But as long as I have you to hold in my arms, I know I can make it through, so can you? I'll carry you through the smoke and flame. When the world comes to end, I'll take your blame. I know I'm not the best... but I'll beat the rest. They promise this, that, and the world and don't come out with anything. I'd love to promise you everything, but I can't, so I'm not gonna lie. One thing I CAN promise is that I'll always try my best to never let you down.
I finally feel alive every time I see you. Every time I hear you say “I love you” I feel weak and just want to embrace the warm feeling I get inside. My heart used to be encased in ice and snow, but when you came along and brightened my day, the snow and ice melted and my heart started to beat again and every time our fingers intertwine, my heart races faster and faster.
Each day I die a little more inside, from the distance. But every time I hear your voice, all that life comes rushing back in and then some. You make me happy I’m alive, and for the first time in months, I don’t have to hide behind the fake smiles, because now they’re real.
I know I'm an ass-hole and a prick at times, but I'm only human... and we all make mistakes. I know my life style is very different than yours. My life is full of drugs and addictions! But when I met you, you became my drug... you became my addiction. I wish I could’ve been there every time someone broke your heart, so I could help you pick up the pieces and put them back together... I know you don't love me like I love you, but just having you in my life is enough for me... I'll never let you go... I promise, I'll love you forever and a day...
Love, Kenny Allisot"
Yea...well that took up a lot of ONE post, so yea... gonna go now
Violent K OUT!
"Dear Marie,
I love you with all my heart. You're the only reason I chose to stay alive. I'd give everything up just to kiss you. I'd do anything just to hold you and be able to call you 'mine' again. I truly don't know why I feel this way. Maybe it's your smile, maybe it's your personality... or maybe it's the beautiful eyes... every time I look at them I get lost. I wish I could hold you through every bad moment... but I can't. Baby, I'm not gonna sugar-coat it, I'm telling you the truth. I wish I was always there for you to cry on my shoulder, I wish I could feel your pain and bleed for you. I'll love you 'til I'm dead in the ground. No one's gonna put my love down. I'll be there forever, but I can't promise it'll be the best, I'll make it what I can, but life has no guarantee’s... you should know that by now. But as long as I have you to hold in my arms, I know I can make it through, so can you? I'll carry you through the smoke and flame. When the world comes to end, I'll take your blame. I know I'm not the best... but I'll beat the rest. They promise this, that, and the world and don't come out with anything. I'd love to promise you everything, but I can't, so I'm not gonna lie. One thing I CAN promise is that I'll always try my best to never let you down.
I finally feel alive every time I see you. Every time I hear you say “I love you” I feel weak and just want to embrace the warm feeling I get inside. My heart used to be encased in ice and snow, but when you came along and brightened my day, the snow and ice melted and my heart started to beat again and every time our fingers intertwine, my heart races faster and faster.
Each day I die a little more inside, from the distance. But every time I hear your voice, all that life comes rushing back in and then some. You make me happy I’m alive, and for the first time in months, I don’t have to hide behind the fake smiles, because now they’re real.
I know I'm an ass-hole and a prick at times, but I'm only human... and we all make mistakes. I know my life style is very different than yours. My life is full of drugs and addictions! But when I met you, you became my drug... you became my addiction. I wish I could’ve been there every time someone broke your heart, so I could help you pick up the pieces and put them back together... I know you don't love me like I love you, but just having you in my life is enough for me... I'll never let you go... I promise, I'll love you forever and a day...
Love, Kenny Allisot"
Yea...well that took up a lot of ONE post, so yea... gonna go now
Violent K OUT!
I Don't Get It
Ok... I DON'T GET IT! My girlfriend and I say we love each other, right? Yeah, that's good fine and great. But almost EVERY-time we're on the phone, she's always like "I'll get clingy" "I'm a very jealous person" "You'll get sick of me sooner or later, everyone does" DOES SHE NOT UNDERSTAND THAT I DON'T CARE ABOUT CLINGY-NESS OR JEALOUSY? WE'RE HUMAN! WE'RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL THAT WAY!
I even get jealous, I can be clingy, we're only HUMAN y'know!
Now I'm writing a love letter to her, peace!
I even get jealous, I can be clingy, we're only HUMAN y'know!
Now I'm writing a love letter to her, peace!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Hehehehe.... Bre was just talking and I put my ice cold hands on her neck... she shut RIGHT up!
Anyway...-sigh- I don't know what to talk about... let me ask someone
Bre suggested I have a problem... let me list off my problems
1. Being born
2. Listening to ICP when I was 6
3. Growing up without a mother
4. My father getting violent when he drinks
5. My brother never really helping me with anything
6. Being told everything I did was always wrong
7. Getting into the wrong crowd
8. Started drinking
9. Started smoking pot
10. Started smoking cigarettes
11. Let's just say EVERYTHING
Well... hmmm... I guess that's all I can think of off the top of my head.
Satanism...... rot in hell... 'nough said.
Anyway...-sigh- I don't know what to talk about... let me ask someone
Bre suggested I have a problem... let me list off my problems
1. Being born
2. Listening to ICP when I was 6
3. Growing up without a mother
4. My father getting violent when he drinks
5. My brother never really helping me with anything
6. Being told everything I did was always wrong
7. Getting into the wrong crowd
8. Started drinking
9. Started smoking pot
10. Started smoking cigarettes
11. Let's just say EVERYTHING
Well... hmmm... I guess that's all I can think of off the top of my head.
Satanism...... rot in hell... 'nough said.
Murrr
Hmmm, well I woke up this morning at 6... got up, walked around the house for a minute... the passed back out. Woke up at 6:30ish to call Marie and she had already left... so I passed out again. Got up at 7:12, was THINKING about going back to bed, but couldn't because my dad wouldn't stop yelling at me to get ready for school... damn you old man... damn you to hell.
Last night was quite interesting though. Talked the SAME old talk with my step-mom about my grades. Obviously I say I'm doing better, but still failing to make it seem believable.
WE GOT A NEW CAT! Her name's Chloe, she's about a year old, we like JUST got her so she's still shy, but surprisingly she doesn't run like hell when me or my brother walk by, she just sits there and watches us. She's really cute though, she's black and white, mostly white with a black eye-patch type thing and a few blotches of black here and there.
I can't wait for this weekend! I'm more than likely going up to see Marie... meeting her family.... oh god.... Oh well, I'll live... her mother told me to be myself when I meet her... this shall be VERY interesting. Black tripps with orange trim and an Insane Clown Posse, Black Veil Brides, or Bullet For My Valentine shirt. Her aunt sent me a message on Facebook this morning, well last night, but I looked at it this morning. It wasn't anything bad, just "Glad to see you're in a relationship with my niece, it's good to see her happy. Hope to meet you soon." AND she sent me a friend request. How should I respond to that? Maybe I'll ask Marie first, that's probably the best thing I could think of. God knows how this weekend will go.... I can only think of TWO possible ways it'll happen...
1: Her mother will end up liking me and I'll get along well with her family and some of the friends I meet... well I've met one of her friends, Zach, he's gay... thought I was "cute" -eye twitches- Sketchy....
2: Her mother and family will end up either not caring for me or hating my guts... therefore not letting us see each other a lot or forbidding us to go out. If her mother thinks she can do that... hehehe, she's DEAD wrong. I won't let ANYONE take Marie away from me.
But that's the only two ways I see this going.
Ah, yes! Her mother has NO problem that I drink, smoke, and smoke cigarettes. Just as long as I don't do it around Marie... and I have to smoke outside....
Well gotta go!
Last night was quite interesting though. Talked the SAME old talk with my step-mom about my grades. Obviously I say I'm doing better, but still failing to make it seem believable.
WE GOT A NEW CAT! Her name's Chloe, she's about a year old, we like JUST got her so she's still shy, but surprisingly she doesn't run like hell when me or my brother walk by, she just sits there and watches us. She's really cute though, she's black and white, mostly white with a black eye-patch type thing and a few blotches of black here and there.
I can't wait for this weekend! I'm more than likely going up to see Marie... meeting her family.... oh god.... Oh well, I'll live... her mother told me to be myself when I meet her... this shall be VERY interesting. Black tripps with orange trim and an Insane Clown Posse, Black Veil Brides, or Bullet For My Valentine shirt. Her aunt sent me a message on Facebook this morning, well last night, but I looked at it this morning. It wasn't anything bad, just "Glad to see you're in a relationship with my niece, it's good to see her happy. Hope to meet you soon." AND she sent me a friend request. How should I respond to that? Maybe I'll ask Marie first, that's probably the best thing I could think of. God knows how this weekend will go.... I can only think of TWO possible ways it'll happen...
1: Her mother will end up liking me and I'll get along well with her family and some of the friends I meet... well I've met one of her friends, Zach, he's gay... thought I was "cute" -eye twitches- Sketchy....
2: Her mother and family will end up either not caring for me or hating my guts... therefore not letting us see each other a lot or forbidding us to go out. If her mother thinks she can do that... hehehe, she's DEAD wrong. I won't let ANYONE take Marie away from me.
But that's the only two ways I see this going.
Ah, yes! Her mother has NO problem that I drink, smoke, and smoke cigarettes. Just as long as I don't do it around Marie... and I have to smoke outside....
Well gotta go!
Monday, April 25, 2011
My Vacation
Well... where to begin
Pot...
Beer...
More pot...
more beer...
AH YES! I met my current girlfriend Marie. She's got just about EVERYTHING in common with me. It's kinda scary to be honest! But it seems so perfect... if this is a dream; then when I wake up someone is DEAD! But we met one night when we were smoking and drinking. Normally two teens would be like "We're drinking and smoking! LET'S FUCK!" Not the case. We actually sat and talked about our interests for like 3 hours. I'll admit, I liked her from the second meeting her... but she said she doesn't date or even like people she's known for less than a few months. She told me she thought I was cute and adorable and she didn't understand why she liked me so much after like JUST meeting me... am I that good? Hmmm... well she said that I was perfect and the first guy to say sweet things to her, which I find shocking, she's a very beautiful girl.
Like I said though, she's basically perfect... it just seems to good to be real, seriously though. The funny thing is though, she came up to Buck-Field to hang with her friend Wade and spent only a SINGLE day with him, she spent the other 4 nights with me in Zach's guest bedroom... NOTHING HAPPENED! I honestly swear. Well... we kissed... made-out... little nibbling here and there... even though... and fore-play.... Ignore that! But yea... I had the BEST 4/20 morning ever.... Hehehe... sorry, promised not to tell.
Well then I spent a few days in Lewiston just chilling with Zach and Nick a.k.a JESUS!
...... I just totally shit a brick........
......... MIND FUCK.............
Pot...
Beer...
More pot...
more beer...
AH YES! I met my current girlfriend Marie. She's got just about EVERYTHING in common with me. It's kinda scary to be honest! But it seems so perfect... if this is a dream; then when I wake up someone is DEAD! But we met one night when we were smoking and drinking. Normally two teens would be like "We're drinking and smoking! LET'S FUCK!" Not the case. We actually sat and talked about our interests for like 3 hours. I'll admit, I liked her from the second meeting her... but she said she doesn't date or even like people she's known for less than a few months. She told me she thought I was cute and adorable and she didn't understand why she liked me so much after like JUST meeting me... am I that good? Hmmm... well she said that I was perfect and the first guy to say sweet things to her, which I find shocking, she's a very beautiful girl.
Like I said though, she's basically perfect... it just seems to good to be real, seriously though. The funny thing is though, she came up to Buck-Field to hang with her friend Wade and spent only a SINGLE day with him, she spent the other 4 nights with me in Zach's guest bedroom... NOTHING HAPPENED! I honestly swear. Well... we kissed... made-out... little nibbling here and there... even though... and fore-play.... Ignore that! But yea... I had the BEST 4/20 morning ever.... Hehehe... sorry, promised not to tell.
Well then I spent a few days in Lewiston just chilling with Zach and Nick a.k.a JESUS!
...... I just totally shit a brick........
......... MIND FUCK.............
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Depression
Why was I born? Why haven't I died yet? What makes me such a horrible son? I don't know... I feel like dying. This has been the second time my dad has gotten drunk and said he was ashamed to be my father... and since he's the only person I've ever looked up to, it hurts... it really does. I've never felt this bad... EVER. What did I do for this to happen... am I that horrible of a person...?
I don't think I am... I just helped my buddy Chad get back with a girl he likes... they only broke up because some chick said to him that she was planning on breaking up with him, so he decided to get there first... but it turns out the chick was just being a royal BITCH!
But anyway... after my dad said that... I just felt like I shouldn't be alive... as an FYI; can't OD on Tylenol.
But why are we born into this world? What is our purpose if we all just DIE in the end anyway? I mean yeah, people have fun and stuff, but why does the outcome always have to be the same? It just doesn't make sense... just like it doesn't make sense that I'm alive still... I should've suffocated when I was born by the umbilical cord... stupid Doctor had to cut it... couldn't have let me go, could he? Nope... guess not. Had to be born into this shit hole to rot the rest of my days away...
Fuck this...
I don't think I am... I just helped my buddy Chad get back with a girl he likes... they only broke up because some chick said to him that she was planning on breaking up with him, so he decided to get there first... but it turns out the chick was just being a royal BITCH!
But anyway... after my dad said that... I just felt like I shouldn't be alive... as an FYI; can't OD on Tylenol.
But why are we born into this world? What is our purpose if we all just DIE in the end anyway? I mean yeah, people have fun and stuff, but why does the outcome always have to be the same? It just doesn't make sense... just like it doesn't make sense that I'm alive still... I should've suffocated when I was born by the umbilical cord... stupid Doctor had to cut it... couldn't have let me go, could he? Nope... guess not. Had to be born into this shit hole to rot the rest of my days away...
Fuck this...
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