Well... I know I wrote a blog about my vacation, but that was mainly focused on Marie.
I'm gonna write about when I was hanging with Zach and Nick, yea Marie and a few other people were there, but whatever.
I went up and hung out with Zach and Nick for a day and we needed drink and smoke... being us, we got it. We spent only ONE day not high... and that was Sunday because we had school in the morning on Monday... well actually we smoked a little bit.
Most likely though... oh wait, no, I smoked when I got to my friend's house!
Anyway... we probably went through... maybe... 10-15 packs of cigarettes this vacation... possibly some more. I think that's why I feel like shit so much... yeah, that's DEFINITELY why.
I'm gonna quit for a few days then, 'cause it's NOT good for me... well technically, there were mini cigars, so I thinks that's worse! O.o GOD! Why am I such a nim-rod! I'll be dead by like 20-25!
Oh well, "Life's a bitch, then you die! So FUCK THE WORLD! LET'S ALL GET HIGH!"
That's how I'm living and I intend to always stay that way!
Marie would like it if I quit though... like, smoking cigarettes/cigars... I honestly think I might. My friend Kassie doesn't like it either, she keeps calling me a "idiot" for it. If I get 10 friends I care about to want me to quit... I will... 2 down... 8 to go.
Well... how long will it take before 8 people ask me to quit... -thinks- ... well if Kassie spreads the word... DAMN IT! >.<
She irritates me in the friend way though
Anyway! Back to my original topic. We spent like 6 days or so in Buck-Field and we spent 2 days in Lewiston.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Well I just wrote a love letter to my girlfriend this morning, but she lives in Bath and I live in Lisbon Falls... sent it to her on skype... still NO reply... but that's probably because she hasn't checked it, isn't she in for a REAL surprise. It's a really sweet and romantic thing... debating on putting it on here... FUCK IT! Why not!?
"Dear Marie,
I love you with all my heart. You're the only reason I chose to stay alive. I'd give everything up just to kiss you. I'd do anything just to hold you and be able to call you 'mine' again. I truly don't know why I feel this way. Maybe it's your smile, maybe it's your personality... or maybe it's the beautiful eyes... every time I look at them I get lost. I wish I could hold you through every bad moment... but I can't. Baby, I'm not gonna sugar-coat it, I'm telling you the truth. I wish I was always there for you to cry on my shoulder, I wish I could feel your pain and bleed for you. I'll love you 'til I'm dead in the ground. No one's gonna put my love down. I'll be there forever, but I can't promise it'll be the best, I'll make it what I can, but life has no guarantee’s... you should know that by now. But as long as I have you to hold in my arms, I know I can make it through, so can you? I'll carry you through the smoke and flame. When the world comes to end, I'll take your blame. I know I'm not the best... but I'll beat the rest. They promise this, that, and the world and don't come out with anything. I'd love to promise you everything, but I can't, so I'm not gonna lie. One thing I CAN promise is that I'll always try my best to never let you down.
I finally feel alive every time I see you. Every time I hear you say “I love you” I feel weak and just want to embrace the warm feeling I get inside. My heart used to be encased in ice and snow, but when you came along and brightened my day, the snow and ice melted and my heart started to beat again and every time our fingers intertwine, my heart races faster and faster.
Each day I die a little more inside, from the distance. But every time I hear your voice, all that life comes rushing back in and then some. You make me happy I’m alive, and for the first time in months, I don’t have to hide behind the fake smiles, because now they’re real.
I know I'm an ass-hole and a prick at times, but I'm only human... and we all make mistakes. I know my life style is very different than yours. My life is full of drugs and addictions! But when I met you, you became my drug... you became my addiction. I wish I could’ve been there every time someone broke your heart, so I could help you pick up the pieces and put them back together... I know you don't love me like I love you, but just having you in my life is enough for me... I'll never let you go... I promise, I'll love you forever and a day...
Love, Kenny Allisot"
Yea...well that took up a lot of ONE post, so yea... gonna go now
Violent K OUT!
"Dear Marie,
I love you with all my heart. You're the only reason I chose to stay alive. I'd give everything up just to kiss you. I'd do anything just to hold you and be able to call you 'mine' again. I truly don't know why I feel this way. Maybe it's your smile, maybe it's your personality... or maybe it's the beautiful eyes... every time I look at them I get lost. I wish I could hold you through every bad moment... but I can't. Baby, I'm not gonna sugar-coat it, I'm telling you the truth. I wish I was always there for you to cry on my shoulder, I wish I could feel your pain and bleed for you. I'll love you 'til I'm dead in the ground. No one's gonna put my love down. I'll be there forever, but I can't promise it'll be the best, I'll make it what I can, but life has no guarantee’s... you should know that by now. But as long as I have you to hold in my arms, I know I can make it through, so can you? I'll carry you through the smoke and flame. When the world comes to end, I'll take your blame. I know I'm not the best... but I'll beat the rest. They promise this, that, and the world and don't come out with anything. I'd love to promise you everything, but I can't, so I'm not gonna lie. One thing I CAN promise is that I'll always try my best to never let you down.
I finally feel alive every time I see you. Every time I hear you say “I love you” I feel weak and just want to embrace the warm feeling I get inside. My heart used to be encased in ice and snow, but when you came along and brightened my day, the snow and ice melted and my heart started to beat again and every time our fingers intertwine, my heart races faster and faster.
Each day I die a little more inside, from the distance. But every time I hear your voice, all that life comes rushing back in and then some. You make me happy I’m alive, and for the first time in months, I don’t have to hide behind the fake smiles, because now they’re real.
I know I'm an ass-hole and a prick at times, but I'm only human... and we all make mistakes. I know my life style is very different than yours. My life is full of drugs and addictions! But when I met you, you became my drug... you became my addiction. I wish I could’ve been there every time someone broke your heart, so I could help you pick up the pieces and put them back together... I know you don't love me like I love you, but just having you in my life is enough for me... I'll never let you go... I promise, I'll love you forever and a day...
Love, Kenny Allisot"
Yea...well that took up a lot of ONE post, so yea... gonna go now
Violent K OUT!
I Don't Get It
Ok... I DON'T GET IT! My girlfriend and I say we love each other, right? Yeah, that's good fine and great. But almost EVERY-time we're on the phone, she's always like "I'll get clingy" "I'm a very jealous person" "You'll get sick of me sooner or later, everyone does" DOES SHE NOT UNDERSTAND THAT I DON'T CARE ABOUT CLINGY-NESS OR JEALOUSY? WE'RE HUMAN! WE'RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL THAT WAY!
I even get jealous, I can be clingy, we're only HUMAN y'know!
Now I'm writing a love letter to her, peace!
I even get jealous, I can be clingy, we're only HUMAN y'know!
Now I'm writing a love letter to her, peace!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Hehehehe.... Bre was just talking and I put my ice cold hands on her neck... she shut RIGHT up!
Anyway...-sigh- I don't know what to talk about... let me ask someone
Bre suggested I have a problem... let me list off my problems
1. Being born
2. Listening to ICP when I was 6
3. Growing up without a mother
4. My father getting violent when he drinks
5. My brother never really helping me with anything
6. Being told everything I did was always wrong
7. Getting into the wrong crowd
8. Started drinking
9. Started smoking pot
10. Started smoking cigarettes
11. Let's just say EVERYTHING
Well... hmmm... I guess that's all I can think of off the top of my head.
Satanism...... rot in hell... 'nough said.
Anyway...-sigh- I don't know what to talk about... let me ask someone
Bre suggested I have a problem... let me list off my problems
1. Being born
2. Listening to ICP when I was 6
3. Growing up without a mother
4. My father getting violent when he drinks
5. My brother never really helping me with anything
6. Being told everything I did was always wrong
7. Getting into the wrong crowd
8. Started drinking
9. Started smoking pot
10. Started smoking cigarettes
11. Let's just say EVERYTHING
Well... hmmm... I guess that's all I can think of off the top of my head.
Satanism...... rot in hell... 'nough said.
Murrr
Hmmm, well I woke up this morning at 6... got up, walked around the house for a minute... the passed back out. Woke up at 6:30ish to call Marie and she had already left... so I passed out again. Got up at 7:12, was THINKING about going back to bed, but couldn't because my dad wouldn't stop yelling at me to get ready for school... damn you old man... damn you to hell.
Last night was quite interesting though. Talked the SAME old talk with my step-mom about my grades. Obviously I say I'm doing better, but still failing to make it seem believable.
WE GOT A NEW CAT! Her name's Chloe, she's about a year old, we like JUST got her so she's still shy, but surprisingly she doesn't run like hell when me or my brother walk by, she just sits there and watches us. She's really cute though, she's black and white, mostly white with a black eye-patch type thing and a few blotches of black here and there.
I can't wait for this weekend! I'm more than likely going up to see Marie... meeting her family.... oh god.... Oh well, I'll live... her mother told me to be myself when I meet her... this shall be VERY interesting. Black tripps with orange trim and an Insane Clown Posse, Black Veil Brides, or Bullet For My Valentine shirt. Her aunt sent me a message on Facebook this morning, well last night, but I looked at it this morning. It wasn't anything bad, just "Glad to see you're in a relationship with my niece, it's good to see her happy. Hope to meet you soon." AND she sent me a friend request. How should I respond to that? Maybe I'll ask Marie first, that's probably the best thing I could think of. God knows how this weekend will go.... I can only think of TWO possible ways it'll happen...
1: Her mother will end up liking me and I'll get along well with her family and some of the friends I meet... well I've met one of her friends, Zach, he's gay... thought I was "cute" -eye twitches- Sketchy....
2: Her mother and family will end up either not caring for me or hating my guts... therefore not letting us see each other a lot or forbidding us to go out. If her mother thinks she can do that... hehehe, she's DEAD wrong. I won't let ANYONE take Marie away from me.
But that's the only two ways I see this going.
Ah, yes! Her mother has NO problem that I drink, smoke, and smoke cigarettes. Just as long as I don't do it around Marie... and I have to smoke outside....
Well gotta go!
Last night was quite interesting though. Talked the SAME old talk with my step-mom about my grades. Obviously I say I'm doing better, but still failing to make it seem believable.
WE GOT A NEW CAT! Her name's Chloe, she's about a year old, we like JUST got her so she's still shy, but surprisingly she doesn't run like hell when me or my brother walk by, she just sits there and watches us. She's really cute though, she's black and white, mostly white with a black eye-patch type thing and a few blotches of black here and there.
I can't wait for this weekend! I'm more than likely going up to see Marie... meeting her family.... oh god.... Oh well, I'll live... her mother told me to be myself when I meet her... this shall be VERY interesting. Black tripps with orange trim and an Insane Clown Posse, Black Veil Brides, or Bullet For My Valentine shirt. Her aunt sent me a message on Facebook this morning, well last night, but I looked at it this morning. It wasn't anything bad, just "Glad to see you're in a relationship with my niece, it's good to see her happy. Hope to meet you soon." AND she sent me a friend request. How should I respond to that? Maybe I'll ask Marie first, that's probably the best thing I could think of. God knows how this weekend will go.... I can only think of TWO possible ways it'll happen...
1: Her mother will end up liking me and I'll get along well with her family and some of the friends I meet... well I've met one of her friends, Zach, he's gay... thought I was "cute" -eye twitches- Sketchy....
2: Her mother and family will end up either not caring for me or hating my guts... therefore not letting us see each other a lot or forbidding us to go out. If her mother thinks she can do that... hehehe, she's DEAD wrong. I won't let ANYONE take Marie away from me.
But that's the only two ways I see this going.
Ah, yes! Her mother has NO problem that I drink, smoke, and smoke cigarettes. Just as long as I don't do it around Marie... and I have to smoke outside....
Well gotta go!
Monday, April 25, 2011
My Vacation
Well... where to begin
Pot...
Beer...
More pot...
more beer...
AH YES! I met my current girlfriend Marie. She's got just about EVERYTHING in common with me. It's kinda scary to be honest! But it seems so perfect... if this is a dream; then when I wake up someone is DEAD! But we met one night when we were smoking and drinking. Normally two teens would be like "We're drinking and smoking! LET'S FUCK!" Not the case. We actually sat and talked about our interests for like 3 hours. I'll admit, I liked her from the second meeting her... but she said she doesn't date or even like people she's known for less than a few months. She told me she thought I was cute and adorable and she didn't understand why she liked me so much after like JUST meeting me... am I that good? Hmmm... well she said that I was perfect and the first guy to say sweet things to her, which I find shocking, she's a very beautiful girl.
Like I said though, she's basically perfect... it just seems to good to be real, seriously though. The funny thing is though, she came up to Buck-Field to hang with her friend Wade and spent only a SINGLE day with him, she spent the other 4 nights with me in Zach's guest bedroom... NOTHING HAPPENED! I honestly swear. Well... we kissed... made-out... little nibbling here and there... even though... and fore-play.... Ignore that! But yea... I had the BEST 4/20 morning ever.... Hehehe... sorry, promised not to tell.
Well then I spent a few days in Lewiston just chilling with Zach and Nick a.k.a JESUS!
...... I just totally shit a brick........
......... MIND FUCK.............
Pot...
Beer...
More pot...
more beer...
AH YES! I met my current girlfriend Marie. She's got just about EVERYTHING in common with me. It's kinda scary to be honest! But it seems so perfect... if this is a dream; then when I wake up someone is DEAD! But we met one night when we were smoking and drinking. Normally two teens would be like "We're drinking and smoking! LET'S FUCK!" Not the case. We actually sat and talked about our interests for like 3 hours. I'll admit, I liked her from the second meeting her... but she said she doesn't date or even like people she's known for less than a few months. She told me she thought I was cute and adorable and she didn't understand why she liked me so much after like JUST meeting me... am I that good? Hmmm... well she said that I was perfect and the first guy to say sweet things to her, which I find shocking, she's a very beautiful girl.
Like I said though, she's basically perfect... it just seems to good to be real, seriously though. The funny thing is though, she came up to Buck-Field to hang with her friend Wade and spent only a SINGLE day with him, she spent the other 4 nights with me in Zach's guest bedroom... NOTHING HAPPENED! I honestly swear. Well... we kissed... made-out... little nibbling here and there... even though... and fore-play.... Ignore that! But yea... I had the BEST 4/20 morning ever.... Hehehe... sorry, promised not to tell.
Well then I spent a few days in Lewiston just chilling with Zach and Nick a.k.a JESUS!
...... I just totally shit a brick........
......... MIND FUCK.............
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Depression
Why was I born? Why haven't I died yet? What makes me such a horrible son? I don't know... I feel like dying. This has been the second time my dad has gotten drunk and said he was ashamed to be my father... and since he's the only person I've ever looked up to, it hurts... it really does. I've never felt this bad... EVER. What did I do for this to happen... am I that horrible of a person...?
I don't think I am... I just helped my buddy Chad get back with a girl he likes... they only broke up because some chick said to him that she was planning on breaking up with him, so he decided to get there first... but it turns out the chick was just being a royal BITCH!
But anyway... after my dad said that... I just felt like I shouldn't be alive... as an FYI; can't OD on Tylenol.
But why are we born into this world? What is our purpose if we all just DIE in the end anyway? I mean yeah, people have fun and stuff, but why does the outcome always have to be the same? It just doesn't make sense... just like it doesn't make sense that I'm alive still... I should've suffocated when I was born by the umbilical cord... stupid Doctor had to cut it... couldn't have let me go, could he? Nope... guess not. Had to be born into this shit hole to rot the rest of my days away...
Fuck this...
I don't think I am... I just helped my buddy Chad get back with a girl he likes... they only broke up because some chick said to him that she was planning on breaking up with him, so he decided to get there first... but it turns out the chick was just being a royal BITCH!
But anyway... after my dad said that... I just felt like I shouldn't be alive... as an FYI; can't OD on Tylenol.
But why are we born into this world? What is our purpose if we all just DIE in the end anyway? I mean yeah, people have fun and stuff, but why does the outcome always have to be the same? It just doesn't make sense... just like it doesn't make sense that I'm alive still... I should've suffocated when I was born by the umbilical cord... stupid Doctor had to cut it... couldn't have let me go, could he? Nope... guess not. Had to be born into this shit hole to rot the rest of my days away...
Fuck this...
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
My Break-Up
Well, broke up with my girlfriend... don't ask why, I have my reasons... -sigh- I DO feel like a dick seeing how we had sex and it was her 1st time a few weeks ago.... But she deserves better, and I think she'll find the right guy sometime soon. Well... obviously I liked other girls while I was with her... but now that I AM available... I don't want anyone else.
Anyway... I called her yesterday after school, and told her we need to talk and she thought that I was gonna be funny about something... not so much. But even though I broke up with her I still feel so terrible... it feels like my souls is slowly ripping out of my body and like someone stabbed my heart and is slowly twisting the blade... pain... pain is just weakness leaving the body. Well, y'know the small metal cabinets? I kicked the bottom and dented the bottom door, punched the top and caved it in and punched the higher door and it kinda imploded around my hand... it got stuck... I had to PRY my hand out of the folded metal... not as easy as it seems.
"Straight to Hell Melissa... straight to Hell" don't ask, just a random quotation.
Then I went to Billy's house and we played COD Zombies and it kinda helped... does me slaughtering hordes of zombies and me feeling better after a break-up mean I'm twisted... I do... but then again... I'm just fucked up to begin with... oh well... life's a bitch the ya die, so FUCK the world let's all get high... not really I'm trying to quit....
Can't wait for Easter and the Saturday before it... my friend is getting married at 17! and I'm gonna be his "best man" meaning bachelor party... and I gotta plan it all... well I got most of it ready, I only need to get certain "supplies" for the party... hungover and at the alter... this'll be interesting... well I'm gonna go now... won't be on til April Vacation is over... LATER!!!!
Anyway... I called her yesterday after school, and told her we need to talk and she thought that I was gonna be funny about something... not so much. But even though I broke up with her I still feel so terrible... it feels like my souls is slowly ripping out of my body and like someone stabbed my heart and is slowly twisting the blade... pain... pain is just weakness leaving the body. Well, y'know the small metal cabinets? I kicked the bottom and dented the bottom door, punched the top and caved it in and punched the higher door and it kinda imploded around my hand... it got stuck... I had to PRY my hand out of the folded metal... not as easy as it seems.
"Straight to Hell Melissa... straight to Hell" don't ask, just a random quotation.
Then I went to Billy's house and we played COD Zombies and it kinda helped... does me slaughtering hordes of zombies and me feeling better after a break-up mean I'm twisted... I do... but then again... I'm just fucked up to begin with... oh well... life's a bitch the ya die, so FUCK the world let's all get high... not really I'm trying to quit....
Can't wait for Easter and the Saturday before it... my friend is getting married at 17! and I'm gonna be his "best man" meaning bachelor party... and I gotta plan it all... well I got most of it ready, I only need to get certain "supplies" for the party... hungover and at the alter... this'll be interesting... well I'm gonna go now... won't be on til April Vacation is over... LATER!!!!
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Fallen Angels
When we were young, just about EVERYONE was innocent. I mean, I was even innocent at one point... my friends find that hard to believe though! When I was younger, I went to church with my 3 friends; Mia, Greg, and Angie, whom they are all my best friends. And obviously everyone has dreams of being famous, but all 4 of us put out minds to it... I learned to play bass, Greg got drum lessons, Angie got guitar lessons... and Mia... well, she knew how to sing from BIRTH basically.
Anyway! Back to the reasoning of all of this; we all used to be really good kids, we never disrespected anyone, always helped out in some way (note, this is when we were like 6ish) and all the way up to 11 we were like that.
I can't really say what happened... but all I know is shit got MESSED UP! We started acting out like crazy, we pulled pranks, and basically went around LOOKING for trouble. Then we all picked up an instrument (SO DIDN'T HELP!)Surprisingly, it took like 3 years for Mia to go "HEY! You play bass, Angie plays guitar, and Greg plays drums! Let's start a band!" and obviously we were like FUCK YEA! And it took us MONTHS to come up with a band name and we finally agreed upon this: "The World After Torment" and it took us about June of LAST year to finally get our stuff posted.
OK! ANYWAY! Back to the point... we wrote the song "Fallen Angel Society" because we used to be perfect kids... perfect angels. But when we wrote the song, it's because we were practicing and Greg's mom came home and told us that our old pasture, Jim, had asked about us and she told him we weren't the same kids, that we had gotten into trouble a lot and that we had started a band.... After she told him that... apparently, he referenced us as "Fallen Angels" so that's basically where the name came from... the lyrics came from our defiance to the Government, the Church, and everything good and decent basically... well school's about to end... bye everyone!
Anyway! Back to the reasoning of all of this; we all used to be really good kids, we never disrespected anyone, always helped out in some way (note, this is when we were like 6ish) and all the way up to 11 we were like that.
I can't really say what happened... but all I know is shit got MESSED UP! We started acting out like crazy, we pulled pranks, and basically went around LOOKING for trouble. Then we all picked up an instrument (SO DIDN'T HELP!)Surprisingly, it took like 3 years for Mia to go "HEY! You play bass, Angie plays guitar, and Greg plays drums! Let's start a band!" and obviously we were like FUCK YEA! And it took us MONTHS to come up with a band name and we finally agreed upon this: "The World After Torment" and it took us about June of LAST year to finally get our stuff posted.
OK! ANYWAY! Back to the point... we wrote the song "Fallen Angel Society" because we used to be perfect kids... perfect angels. But when we wrote the song, it's because we were practicing and Greg's mom came home and told us that our old pasture, Jim, had asked about us and she told him we weren't the same kids, that we had gotten into trouble a lot and that we had started a band.... After she told him that... apparently, he referenced us as "Fallen Angels" so that's basically where the name came from... the lyrics came from our defiance to the Government, the Church, and everything good and decent basically... well school's about to end... bye everyone!
A song I wrote sometime a few months ago
Stay together now
They are strong
But we are many!
We will NOT BACK DOWN!
Wait for the signal
Take your chance
Use this blind rage
And take sword in hand
RUN!
Don't back down
In this sea of blood they'll drown
Run blind through smoke and fire
Don't go down alone
Don't be scared
We're all side-by-side
We will win this fight!
We can make it through this plight
Feel the sting of the bullets
Feel the burn of the fire
Pain is your desire!
Ignore your pain
Forget those already slain!
Don't let the sacrifice go in vein!
We will NOT back down!
They can't put us in the ground!
We won't give up!
They've tried to hold us down long enough!
NOW WE RISE!
We are!
The!
FALLEN ANGEL SOCIETY!
We're like a plague!
We're like a curse!
We're a nightmare that you won't change!
But you're not waking from this!
Say good-bye to all you hold dear!
Your end is here!
Don't give in!
I wanna see you BLEED!
I wanna hear you SCREAM!
I wanna see you FALL!
I wanna hear you CRY!
They are strong
But we are many!
We will NOT BACK DOWN!
Wait for the signal
Take your chance
Use this blind rage
And take sword in hand
RUN!
Don't back down
In this sea of blood they'll drown
Run blind through smoke and fire
Don't go down alone
Don't be scared
We're all side-by-side
We will win this fight!
We can make it through this plight
Feel the sting of the bullets
Feel the burn of the fire
Pain is your desire!
Ignore your pain
Forget those already slain!
Don't let the sacrifice go in vein!
We will NOT back down!
They can't put us in the ground!
We won't give up!
They've tried to hold us down long enough!
NOW WE RISE!
We are!
The!
FALLEN ANGEL SOCIETY!
We're like a plague!
We're like a curse!
We're a nightmare that you won't change!
But you're not waking from this!
Say good-bye to all you hold dear!
Your end is here!
Don't give in!
I wanna see you BLEED!
I wanna hear you SCREAM!
I wanna see you FALL!
I wanna hear you CRY!
Monday, April 11, 2011
This Is Why You Don't Go To The Beach On Acid (last summer)
Standing on a rock with about a 30 foot drop into crystal clear water
Feeling the cold mist spray against my body
I wanted to jump into the water and let myself be engulfed by the cool waters
The water was at least another 20 feet deep
I wanted to jump... I couldn't swim, but I wanted to jump
I acknowledged my inability to swim...
But still I was called by the splashing of the waves on the rock
I felt warm inside...I felt like I was the last human alive
I felt powerful, I felt indestructible, I felt immortal
I felt like a GOD!
Then in a flash it all vanished
The crystal clear water turned to red hot scorching fires
The rock I was standing on became a mountain of rotting corpses
The cool misty spray became smoke and ash and scorched flesh
Even though the world had just become and utter HELL... I still wanted to jump
God knows how long down the fires of the pit went... miles possibly...
If I jumped, I'd surely burn to death and die slowly
Even though it was fire... I still felt the need to jump
Now, the fires of death and despair called me in
I felt cold inside... I felt like I had slaughtered everyone I loved and was standing on their corpses
I felt weak... vulnerable... I felt mortal
I felt DEAD...
Feeling the cold mist spray against my body
I wanted to jump into the water and let myself be engulfed by the cool waters
The water was at least another 20 feet deep
I wanted to jump... I couldn't swim, but I wanted to jump
I acknowledged my inability to swim...
But still I was called by the splashing of the waves on the rock
I felt warm inside...I felt like I was the last human alive
I felt powerful, I felt indestructible, I felt immortal
I felt like a GOD!
Then in a flash it all vanished
The crystal clear water turned to red hot scorching fires
The rock I was standing on became a mountain of rotting corpses
The cool misty spray became smoke and ash and scorched flesh
Even though the world had just become and utter HELL... I still wanted to jump
God knows how long down the fires of the pit went... miles possibly...
If I jumped, I'd surely burn to death and die slowly
Even though it was fire... I still felt the need to jump
Now, the fires of death and despair called me in
I felt cold inside... I felt like I had slaughtered everyone I loved and was standing on their corpses
I felt weak... vulnerable... I felt mortal
I felt DEAD...
Friday, April 8, 2011
Juggalo
Juggalo's... oh WHERE to begin...let's start with it's not just being a fan of ICP... it's a life style. I'm and a Juggalo... my friends don't understand... my parents don't... only my fellow Juggalo's understand me 100%
It's a good life... a little hectic at times, but we all seem to manage along just fine. My friends assume the my "Juggalo-ism" is why violent... it could be you could say... but most of it just comes from events that have happened throughout my life. My life hasn't been the best, but it's not the worst...y'know what... I totally forgot when I was going with this! THANKS BRE, CASSIE, and MELISSA!
It's a good life... a little hectic at times, but we all seem to manage along just fine. My friends assume the my "Juggalo-ism" is why violent... it could be you could say... but most of it just comes from events that have happened throughout my life. My life hasn't been the best, but it's not the worst...y'know what... I totally forgot when I was going with this! THANKS BRE, CASSIE, and MELISSA!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Break-Ups
Why is it that people make break-ups so dramatic, whatever happened to the old "It's over" and walk away? Seriously? My friend broke up with his girlfriend during lunch yesterday, he was nice about it too, Darren simply walked over to Sarah and said that he couldn't handle a relationship and said he still loved her. SHE dragged it out to a 20 minute fight. And even after that, I SWEAR she SENT her friends after him, so after lunch, he was all sad and depressed and acting like the world was going to end... so I punched him and told him to grow a pair. I know.... not the best tactic, but it worked enough.
Right before 7th period ended, I sent out a MASS text to all my Juggalo homies, and we planned a HUGE party in the woods 5 miles from Darren's house. There's still probably 5 gallons worth of Faygo in my fridge from the left overs, but HELL, why am I complaining?
Anyway! Details of the party: It was about 20-30 of us partying like hell. We had face-painting, Had the ICP, Dark Lotus, Tiwztid, and Blaze cranked WAY the fuck up, some chicks went topless, thank you God! I live in Maine... and yesterday was like some 30 something degrees but it was awesome. The party got his mind off of Sarah and for that, I was happy for him. ANYWAY! We partied a lot and everything was good. Faygo is just about LITERALLY ALL Darren will drink... so to have a party with PLENTY of Faygo there, he was happy. Damn thing killed my wallet though... $150 paycheck one day... $30 the next morning... how? Why? What? ... BECAUSE I FUCKING CAN! Oh well... we had a nice party and Darren hooked up with another girl... Terra? Tina? Some shit like that.... we were drinking and smoking obviously... Darren jumped into a freezing lake... -_- dumb ass... Well I can't say I was completely sane either... I got paid $15 to let someone carve "ICP" into my left shoulder, should I have done it? No. Do I regret it? Yeah.Was it worth it? HELL YES!
HAHAHAHAHA! Well... that's about all I suppose, later followers
Right before 7th period ended, I sent out a MASS text to all my Juggalo homies, and we planned a HUGE party in the woods 5 miles from Darren's house. There's still probably 5 gallons worth of Faygo in my fridge from the left overs, but HELL, why am I complaining?
Anyway! Details of the party: It was about 20-30 of us partying like hell. We had face-painting, Had the ICP, Dark Lotus, Tiwztid, and Blaze cranked WAY the fuck up, some chicks went topless, thank you God! I live in Maine... and yesterday was like some 30 something degrees but it was awesome. The party got his mind off of Sarah and for that, I was happy for him. ANYWAY! We partied a lot and everything was good. Faygo is just about LITERALLY ALL Darren will drink... so to have a party with PLENTY of Faygo there, he was happy. Damn thing killed my wallet though... $150 paycheck one day... $30 the next morning... how? Why? What? ... BECAUSE I FUCKING CAN! Oh well... we had a nice party and Darren hooked up with another girl... Terra? Tina? Some shit like that.... we were drinking and smoking obviously... Darren jumped into a freezing lake... -_- dumb ass... Well I can't say I was completely sane either... I got paid $15 to let someone carve "ICP" into my left shoulder, should I have done it? No. Do I regret it? Yeah.Was it worth it? HELL YES!
HAHAHAHAHA! Well... that's about all I suppose, later followers
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Awkward
Well... Bre just read the "V-Card" blog... she was OK until she got to the part about my ____ and then her face was like, completely horrified... then she wouldn't stop starring at my ____(well that general region). And THAT was awkward... well... I guess your life is always weird when you're a Juggalo... NOT JIGallo, I USED to be a man-whore!
But not now, I've smartened up and now I'm settled down with a girl... but I honestly don't know how long it will last... she's TOO nice... to the point where it's annoying... UGH! And since I'm the one who took her V-Card... I'll feel like an ass-hole no matter what! GAH! Someone kill me... and if you do... I want this on my grave stone... "When I die, show no pity, send my soul to Juggalo City. Dig my grave six feet deep, and put two matches by my feet. Lay two hatchets on my chest, and tell my homies I did my best." That would be awesome! t
But not now, I've smartened up and now I'm settled down with a girl... but I honestly don't know how long it will last... she's TOO nice... to the point where it's annoying... UGH! And since I'm the one who took her V-Card... I'll feel like an ass-hole no matter what! GAH! Someone kill me... and if you do... I want this on my grave stone... "When I die, show no pity, send my soul to Juggalo City. Dig my grave six feet deep, and put two matches by my feet. Lay two hatchets on my chest, and tell my homies I did my best." That would be awesome! t
Monday, April 4, 2011
V-Card
Well today's topic my fellows.... VIRGINITY. See, my girlfriend, FOR THE LONGEST TIME, had been dead set on staying a virgin 'til she was married... me? Marriage? Fuck no! Anyway... I didn't pressure her into sex or anything, she always said she wanted to and when we were like basically having sex, she'd say she didn't want to, and I respected that decision... WELL let's just say I was the one who didn't want to have sex this past weekend... we had sex... I had intentions of leaving her WEEKS ago... but never did, and now I feel as if i don't try to make it last, I'd seem like someone who just got what they wanted to left... and I'm not like that... unless I hate you, than yeah...
She doesn't regret it and neither do I..... Last night she was kinda "iffy" about it and said she wanted her virginity back, but I think most girls are like that... I had even asked her 13 times if she was sure... she slapped me and said "do it!" .... look at that 13, unlucky number... asked her 13 times... unluckily got slapped... F... M... L!
Sex can JUST be sex, yes. But when you love the other person, it's better somehow... I'll admit... I used to be a BIG man-whore... I used to think getting stoned, drunk and fucking any girl of my pick was cool... I guess it was for a while... I don't regret it and I'm not going to, y'know what they say, "When you're older, you don't regret the things you did... you regret the things you DIDN'T do" which I find completely CORRECT! ANYWAY! Me and my girlfriend had sex 4 times this weekend... the extra 3 only happened because SHE wanted to... kinda wierd for a virgin, huh? Well, me and my buddy Dusty, told her, "Once you have it, you're gonna want it A LOT" ... her reply... like most other girls "No, I won't, I don't NEED it." Now she's acting as if she'll never see me again and wants to please me... well............ having a sex addicted girlfriend isn't what it's cracked up to be... I didn't really mind, but the 4th times was an annoyance because it got to the point where, my ____ hurt when it got hard or even touched! ANYWAY!
That's about all.... later!
She doesn't regret it and neither do I..... Last night she was kinda "iffy" about it and said she wanted her virginity back, but I think most girls are like that... I had even asked her 13 times if she was sure... she slapped me and said "do it!" .... look at that 13, unlucky number... asked her 13 times... unluckily got slapped... F... M... L!
Sex can JUST be sex, yes. But when you love the other person, it's better somehow... I'll admit... I used to be a BIG man-whore... I used to think getting stoned, drunk and fucking any girl of my pick was cool... I guess it was for a while... I don't regret it and I'm not going to, y'know what they say, "When you're older, you don't regret the things you did... you regret the things you DIDN'T do" which I find completely CORRECT! ANYWAY! Me and my girlfriend had sex 4 times this weekend... the extra 3 only happened because SHE wanted to... kinda wierd for a virgin, huh? Well, me and my buddy Dusty, told her, "Once you have it, you're gonna want it A LOT" ... her reply... like most other girls "No, I won't, I don't NEED it." Now she's acting as if she'll never see me again and wants to please me... well............ having a sex addicted girlfriend isn't what it's cracked up to be... I didn't really mind, but the 4th times was an annoyance because it got to the point where, my ____ hurt when it got hard or even touched! ANYWAY!
That's about all.... later!
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